A Little Potty Humor

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I told Zachary that I would take him to Inflatable Wonderland when he was potty-trained. (I am sure he was just barely 3 at the time, but as you can see, I was already to the point of throwing bribes to the wind.) Though he had been to other "jumpy jumpy" places around town, as we like to call them for the sake of simplicity, Inflatable Wonderland was going to be that special place that would only be entered upon his successful completion of this very important developmental milestone. It didn't work very well as an incentive, however. Instead of enticing Zachary to actually do SOMETHING to BECOME potty-trained, he simply reminded me, every time we passed it in the mall, that someday he would go there when he was potty-trained. And, each time, approximately 5 seconds later, his mind would already be on something OTHER than being potty-trained. Eventually, as the months came and went with very little progress in that department, I decided in MY mind that we would probably NEVER be going to Inflatable Wonderland. "Woe is me," I'd think to myself. "I guess I'll have the first child to enter college in a Pull-Up."

Then comes the end of my long, sad story. Miracles do happen! Just recently, Zachary, literally, woke up one day COMPLETELY POTTY-TRAINED!!! After all those months and years of madness spent trying to get him to this same end, he did exactly what his pediatrician told me he'd do: He did it when HE was ready!

I am still counting the days since this miracle took place, but now I'm sure that it's the real deal. Zachary is 100% potty-trained! Not one single accident since Day 1, and we're well into the double digits. So, amid my joyous dancing and singing of the Hallelujah Chorus, one of the first things Zachary said to me was, "Now we can go to the jumpy jumpy place at the mall because I'm potty-trained!" Of course, he didn't forget. And I assured him that, YES, we would be going there very soon.

There was just one little dilemma: I didn't know what to do about Ashley. I wanted this trip to Inflatable Wonderland to be a really special reward for Zachary, but how could I leave her out? After all, she has been way ahead of him in terms of potty-training progress until, well, April 14th, to be exact. (Which, by the way, will probably now remain burned in my memory as one of the best days of my life...the day I became a believer.) Ashley is not far behind. I just didn't think it would be right to let her come, too, on the account of being almost potty-trained. However, with her birthday coming up, I thought Zachary might not mind too much if his sister got to join him for that reason. Of course, I hadn't said anything about this to Zachary. But somehow he just knew...

Last week, Grandma came over after work to go out for ice cream with us. One of the first things she said to Zachary was, "Zachary, I heard you're potty-trained! Are you going to go to the jumpy jumpy place at the mall now?!?" Ashley was standing there in the living room with us and her face lit up with excitement. "I want to go to the jumpy jumpy place at the mall!!!" Zachary turned to her and said, in complete seriousness, "No, Ashley. You have to stay with Grandma, because you're not potty-trained. Only I get to go to the jumpy jumpy place at the mall because I am potty-trained." And as if to add insult to injury, Zachary added, "Happy birthday to you, Ashley!"

Ouch!

The Potty-Training Solution for the Techno-Savvy Toddler?

So, we came back from Houston the other night, and out of the blue, Zachary asks me for an iPod. JUST BARELY FOUR YEARS OLD AND HE ALREADY WANTS AN iPOD! His older cousins (who are 7 and 8) have them, and for some reason, Zachary has now decided that he needs one, too. I guess I have now been officially welcomed into the world of "But, Mommmmm, Everyone Else Has One!" Sad day. I really thought I could make history or something by being the first parent to avoid this. Shucks!

Well, this request just happens to come at a time when I'm already feeling quite desperate to get Zachary potty-trained. I have made the mistake of carelessly throwing bribes to the wind for months now in the event that one might actually work as an incentive. (Yes, horrible parenting skills, I know.) Yet I STILL have had absolutely no luck so far with any of them. Let's see... I have tried bribing him with a bicycle. (In my self-defense, every kid needs to learn to ride a bike at some point and he's at the perfect age for starting that, too, right?) Unfortunately, Zachary hasn't much interest in bikes yet and I don't think he even remembers the offer. I have promised to take him to Inflatable Wonderland at the mall, and now EVERY SINGLE TIME we walk past it, he looks over and announces cheerfully, "That's where I go when I'm potty-trained!" and then he merrily goes on with his little life without giving any further thought to what he might do to actually BECOME potty-trained. I'm puzzled by this. I guess he thinks it is just magically going to happen. Well, let me just pull this magic wand out...

And now, because the words "maybe when you're potty-trained" come out much too quickly and without a whole lot of thought these days (shame on me), I have now foolishly gone and suggested that MAYBE he can get an iPod when that blessed day comes. Eek! I know I REALLY shouldn't have done this, because I'm not about to buy an iPod for a 4 year-old. I didn't exactly *promise* him one, but he hasn't forgotten about it and I don't think he's going to this time. Tonight, when I got back from running an errand, I was talking to Zachary about where I'd been and what I was doing there, etc., and he says, "Mommy, kneel down so I can tell you somefing." I kneeled down and he whispered in my ear, "Maybe I am potty-trained and you will get me an iPod tomorrow!"

I don't think I have anything to worry about for now, because it's still going to take awhile for this whole process to take place, but I still feel bad that I have unintentionally gotten his hopes up like this. How do I fix this mess I've gotten myself into? What is a mother to do?

Behold the iPooped!

Idle Threats That Work

Today I went and got my hair cut, and because they go everywhere I go, my kids came along for the fun of it. Luckily, the man who cuts my hair doesn't mind the little tag-alongs, as he owns his own little shop and has a few things for them to play with. (It also helps that it only takes 10 minutes to cut my hair.) Zachary was content playing with the wooden blocks today and was busy building letters out of them when it was time to leave. I asked him to help me put them away, and just as I expected, he didn't begin to help. After my failed second and third attempts to gain his cooperation, he still continued to play. Suddenly, a light went off and I knew exactly how to change this behavior! Zachary HATES getting his hair cut like no other, so you know how the rest of the story goes, don't you? And it worked! At the mere MENTIONING of the word haircut, Zachary burst into "obedient" mode and we were out of there in no time!

Never Say Never

For nearly 4 years, I have succeeded at holding a perfect record for keeping my kids out of the ER, and I intended to keep that perfect record..FOR-EV-ER. That is, until this past Monday when I lost control of a slippery wet little boy and sent him, face-first, onto the bathroom tile. Now, my record is nothing more than a shattered dream. If only I had... If I would have just... If I had never...

Wrapped in a towel after finishing his bath, I picked up Zachary to carry him into his room to get dressed for the day. Yes, his little legs work perfectly fine and he is very capable of walking the 10 feet between the bathtub and his bedroom, but he LIKES for me to carry him. And he likes to have a look at himself in the mirror, all wrapped up in his towel and swaddled in his mother's arms. This is something that will not last forever, so that being said, it is a part of our normal routine.

It is all sort of blur now, but I recall that, just as I began to turn toward the mirror, I started losing my grip on Zachary, which grip I could not recover. Slipping...slipping... And then, SPLAT. I watched helplessly as Zachary fell flat on his face. Thoughts racing through my head, I pick him up off the floor to assess the damage. My worst fear was that he might have broken teeth, and I was very thankful that he didn't. I noticed that his chest and stomach were red where they smacked the floor, but after seeing that everything else was OK, I noticed a little blood coming from beneath his chin. I took one look and knew right away that he was going to need stitches. It was off to the ER we went.

Luckily, Zachary was fine, and though he didn't want to have to go to the hospital (who does?), he was remarkably calm and handled the situation very well. I was happy that the waiting room had been virtually empty so we didn't have to wait very long to be taken back for him to be treated. Of course, the doctor and nurse did have to strap Zachary to a board and wrap him up like a mummy so he would stay still for them, but once they cleaned out his wound and glued it shut, we were on our way with an armful of stickers and a stuffed animal souvenir.

I've now realized how unrealistically high my expectations were, so I've decided to modify my goal just a little. Instead of "never having to take my kids to the ER," my new goal will be: "Never having to take my kids to the ER for SOMETHING THAT WAS MY FAULT!"

Sick, but still sweet

Little Zachary is sick today, although he doesn't even seem to notice. He's slept most of the afternoon away which was the first sign I noticed. This kid doesn't nap...EVER. He has a fever of almost 102. I couldn't get an accurate reading, though, because he was getting upset that I was even trying to do that without apparent reason. He wouldn't keep the thermometer under his tongue, so I tried taking it under his arm, but he said, "My arm's fine." It's sort of scary when you know your kid is sick and he insists he isn't even though his cheeks are flushed with fever and his eyes are glassy. Makes me worry that he's just going to peacefully go to sleep and not wake up. (Yes, I'm feeling a bit paranoid.) So, I press lightly on his throat and ask if that hurts, since strep is going around. I ask if his ears hurt or his tummy. "No" to all of those things. "Are you tired?" There's one I'm sure he'll say "yes" to. But, no. He's totally well...except he isn't. He didn't drink his juice or eat his snack earlier, so I just tried to offer it to him again, "No thank you, Mommy." I bring his pillow and blanket, and his stuffed bunny is always welcome. "Do you want to watch something?" "Clifford's Pets, o' course." No matter that this is the 3rd (or is it the 4th?) time I've started this movie today and he's fallen asleep in it. And? He wants his Mommy to come sit with him.

Prehistoric Apprearances

It seems that I am the only member of my family willing to eat vegetables these days, so as I was enjoying a wonderfully colorful and delicious salad at dinner tonight, I thought I would take a moment to teach Zachary about good nutrition. He has been in this phase for quite some time now where he will only eat foods that do not belong in any food group. Actually, he does just fine with anything that sits atop the food pyramid...and almost nothing else. Anyway, my point was, after he more than refused the matchstick carrots offered with totally fattening, homemade buttermilk ranch dressing, I decided I'd better say something encouraging. I started out my speech by telling him that eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water helps me to have big muscles. (OK, so he is only three and doesn't know any better, but I had to give it some appeal.) He took a big gulp of chocolate milk and said that he had big muscles, too. His attempt to show me his muscles was pretty much identical to mine. I told him that drinking milk is good, because it helps him to have strong bones and healthy teeth, to which he replied, "You have big dinosaur bones, Mommy!" Maybe I'll start exercising more and stop wearing purple...

"Brother Sniff and the Two Jesuses"

The kids were getting a bit restless toward the end of Sacrament Meeting today, so I took them out to the foyer to wait until it was over. In the meantime, I asked Zachary if he wanted to go to Nursery with his teachers, Brother and Sister Kratzer and Brother Smith. He loves Nursery so, of course, his answer was "Yes!" A few minutes later, he started talking about "Brother Sniff" as if he was sitting across the room. I looked up and saw Brother James, the husband of his former Nursery teacher, Sister James, sitting in a chair across from us with his daughter. As I was trying to correct Zachary and tell him that it was Brother James and NOT Brother Smith, he announced again, "There he is! Brother Sniff...and Jesus...and another Jesus!" Then I suddenly realized that Zachary was noticing a very important detail that I had missed. Above Brother James' head and a little to the right hung a beautiful painting of Joseph Smith's First Vision. Zachary was right all along. It was, indeed, "Brother Sniff"...and Jesus...and someone that looks a heck of a lot like another Jesus, who Zachary now knows is actually "Heavenly Fodder." :)