(A?)Typical Toddler?

The last time I took Zachary to the pediatrician, for his routine 3-year check-up, I'd already begun to question what I was doing wrong in terms of disciplining the child. He and Ashley both were out of control that day. They were running wild around the exam room and probably were just enjoying themselves a little too much as I tried to quiet them and keep them still. There isn't much to play with in one of those rooms, but still, I am not a zookeeper, and I certainly didn't want anyone thinking that I don't know how to keep my kids under control. Chris had been in Houston working for, oh, 5 weeks at that point, and we'd been out of a routine for quite some time. I was frazzled and needed some help.

The doctor walks in and starts questioning me in her usual way about Zachary and his overall health. He's a healthy boy and always has been, and it seemed that that was apparent with his high energy level that day. The kids were still going strong, tearing through the room as I tried to carry on this conversation, having to talk louder and listen harder to hear what questions she was asking me. The doctor didn't seem at all phased. She sees kids all the time and took it all in stride when the kids finally ended up pulling her telephone off the wall right in front of her. (By the way, great idea to put a telephone on the wall so that anything that walks on 2 legs can reach it!) The only thing she cared about was to make sure the kids were OK. What a great doc! She got to the part where she asked what MY concerns were. I basically explained to her that I'd been easy on her, as far as my list of questions were concerned over the past 3 years, and now, I told her, I was about to make up for that. She was ready. I questioned her first about discipline methods (I was desperate--I'd felt I'd tried a lot of things unsuccessfully, and here was the evidence of my failure--2 kids who weren't listening to a single word I said) and wanted to know her stand on preschool (I'd really love for Zachary to start anytime now to work on learning some social skills, but Chris doesn't think it's necessary if mom's at home. Costs too much, and our kid's already a genius...) First, she recommended a great book, 1-2-3 Magic, an easy read even for a busy mom which I raced out and bought. I read it and use the techniques some of time, and it has seemed to help. It also seems to help that Chris is back at home now. As for preschool, she didn't seem to make that optional. "Three years-old and they go to preschool," is what she said. We talked about social skills, and my concern about how Zachary is a very bright child, but when met with situations such as the one we were in, he becomes hyper and non-responsive to questions he normally could answer in a quieter, more familiar setting. He avoided making eye contact with the doctor, just as I predicted he would, and became the Tazmanian Devil when asked his age. She didn't seem overly concerned but referred us to a someone who did developmental assessments in what honestly seemed to be an effort just to ease my frustration. "It'll be interesting to see what they say," is all she said.

I always thought I'd heard about these free studies on toddlers and thought this might be worth signing up for. I made the call to schedule and appointment and realized this was something that wasn't free. And I wasn't sure my crappy student health insurance (that's better than no insurance) would cover a penny of it. I tried to find out but never could reach anyone with an answer. C'est la vie. I went on with life. The day before Zachary's appointment, the hospital called to say that the doctor had to be out that day and we would need to reschedule. I wasn't sure I wanted to bother, as Chris and I both think Zachary's a normal, healthy 3 year-old who was wired on something the day of his well-check. Eventually, though, I did reschedule but still was curious as to what this would cost us if insurance wouldn't pay. It's going to be around $600 for this assessment, and if we have a child who seems normal to just about everyone we know, we really don't want to pay for something just to satisfy the doctor's curiosity. She had seemed so nonchalant about it. I ended up cancelling the appointment for now until I could talk to her some more about what it is, exactly, that he's being tested for. The problem with the insurance is that they only cover illness and injury. There is simply no diagnosis here, and would there ever be?

Fast forward to yesterday, when I took Ashley for her 15-month check-up. I'd left Zachary at home with Chris (need I explain why?) and waited patiently for the doctor arrived. Meanwhile, Ashley was back at it with the phone...probably wondering how it got stuck on the wall again. The first thing the doctor asks when she walks through the door is how Zachary is doing. She told me she'd been wondering what would take place as she walked through the door. She expected a whirlwind. He wasn't there, and it was calm. I explained the situation we were in with the assessment and how our insurance may not cover it and how much did she feel it was necessary. This time she was pretty adamant that this is something we NEED to have done. Whoa! Where did this come from? I so did not get that from our initial talk! After we finished our discussion, I don't know if she felt untrusted or if she was annoyed that this was the second time I'd mentioned money as being an issue (no job, no money tree, no problem, right?), but she abruptly ended the conversation and the visit and that was it. Well, let her be upset with me if she wants to be, but I was glad to hear her finally come out and say that this isn't just something she was just "interested in what they'll have to say." She thinks there may be some real issues...that he may be high-functioning but have some underlying developmental disorder. I still have my doubts, but I will take her expert advice and am going to have him tested sometime after we get back from our visit with the in-laws this week.

There is, however, Chris and HIS expert opinion. He is the expert on our family finances, and it is sometimes difficult to challenge him on that. I did get some information on a program the doctor suggested called Any Baby Can, which operates on a sliding fee scale, to see if we can get this done without having to pay quite as much if we go through our insurance. If not, I still want what's best for my child and I'm not concerned as much about the cost. If it's necessary, I'll do it. I just needed to know that it was, after all, necessary.